so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
