Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
