he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
