i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
