I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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