theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do herpes really smell.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
