come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
