i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
