Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I color on your dick again?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
