are you so shy because you have an std?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
