What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
