Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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