Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
