Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
