Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
