saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
