And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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