So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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