Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
