maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
