This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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