Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
