Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
