I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
