Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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