Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
