the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
