That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
