I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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