I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
