She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
