You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
