I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
