Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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