? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Who died my cat blue again?
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