four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
