I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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