she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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