I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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