I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
