Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
