I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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