One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
