god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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