exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
