we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
