It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this beer tastes like vomit already
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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