shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize