Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
