Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
