we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
