What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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