Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
