The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
