I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
