She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
