she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
