never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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