so explain again why im purple
no
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
