we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
