the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
