the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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