Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
