normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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