One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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