I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
