I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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