First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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