i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
