And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
