Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
